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#037 Finding purpose at work with Dean Tong
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Episode Transcript
Intro
Hi everyone! Welcome back to "How to Live," a podcast that explores ways to live a good life. I'm your host, Sharad Lal. This is Episode 47.
Recently, I watched this movie "Air" - the story of how Nike created the Air Jordans.
Highly recommended movie.
Not only did it have a captivating story, talented actors, and gripping drama, but what I loved most was that warm, fuzzy feeling of being transported back to the 1980s.
From the nostalgic music to iconic buildings, unique haircuts to the classic cars, and let's not forget about those quirky fashion choices. This movie took me back to my childhood, the cherished years of the '80s and '90s when I grew up.
I felt a surge of nostalgia.
And you know what?
It was exactly what I needed on that tough day. It lifted my mood, filled me with joy, and warmed my heart. Needless to say, it helped me sleep well and wake up the next day feeling rejuvenated.
This experience made me reflect on the power of nostalgia. I started remembering how movies from the '80s and '90s, like "Back to the Future," "Ghostbusters," and "Top Gun," used to put me in a good mood for hours, and sometimes even days.
It got me wondering, is there something more to nostalgia than just that heartwarming feeling? So, I decided to dig deeper and research. And guess what I found out? Nostalgia is not just a sentimental journey; it's a powerful mental health tool that can help us find certainty and security in an ever-changing world.
But that's not all. I stumbled upon two other fascinating aspects of nostalgia that are often overlooked and rarely discussed - but are extremely helpful in life.
In today's episode, we're going to dive deep into the topic of nostalgia. We'll explore the research behind it, uncover what we can learn from it, and discover how we can grow through nostalgia. We'll also look at watchouts to ensure we use nostalgia in a healthy and balanced way.
Trust me, you won't want to miss this episode. So, grab your headphones if you haven’t already, sit back, and let’s explore nostalgia together.
Before getting into the episode
Thank you very much for supporting the podcast.
Folks in over 120 countries listen to our podcast and we’re in the top 5% in the world.
Do consider following us on your favourite podcast platform.
If you love the show - please do rate us.
Thank you in advance
Back to the episode
Goodbye Lenin
Picture this: it's 1989, East Germany. The Berlin Wall still stands tall, separating families and ideologies. Amidst this backdrop of political unrest and a changing world order, let’s meet Alex. He's a devoted son who loves his mother, Christiane but fate has a unique twist in store for them.
Christiane, an ardent supporter of the East German regime, falls into a coma just before the fall of the Berlin Wall. While she is unconscious, the world around her transforms rapidly.
The wall goes down, the country crumbles and a new era begins.
When she wakes up - her son Alex realising that all these changes will shock her- embarks on a daring mission.
He recreates the past in their home. Painstakingly constructs a nostalgic bubble of the old East Germany.
His mother awakens into her safe space. Sees things she loves - favourite brands, familiar faces and comforting routine - Feel secure and certain as she makes her way back to life.
Some of you might recognise this story from the critically acclaimed German movie Goodbye Lenin. Another highly recommended movie. It’s a great example of the power of nostalgia beyond just a feel good emotion.
I found Alex’s experience with nostalgia even more interesting. When the wall crumbled he started enjoying the pleasures of consumerism - cool products, clothes, music. Coming back home to the East German bubble was tedious. He hated it.
But with time, he started finding comfort in it. The simplicity, predictability and safety gave him a certain comfort in the ever changing world outside.
This wonderful movie is a great portrayal of the power of nostalgia.
The reason it touches a deep chord is because of how true it is on the benefits of nostalgia.
Research
Researchers have described nostalgia as that bittersweet longing for the past, those sentimental feelings for moments, places, or people from our earlier years.
But it's more than just daydreaming.
Research has shown that there are many real psychological benefits to nostalgia.
Here are my top 4.
Safety & Comfort
One of the most impactful benefits is the feeling of safety and comfort it brings.
For me, I often get nostalgic about the green grass in the garden of my childhood house.
During winter afternoons post lunch my family and I would sit there soaking up the warm sun. At the time I didn’t think much of it but most of my adult life I enjoy visiting that garden again. That place does not exist today but nostalgia allows me to go back to that warm fuzzy feeling of safety. I can still feel the intimacy, simplicity, and predictability. In today's fast-paced world, having that sanctuary to return to is like filling up my love tank and facing life again.
Research from Routledge in his book The Nostalgia Inventory points to the same. He found that by evoking memories of the past, nostalgia can provide a sense of stability, and coherence, leading to feelings of safety and security.
Belonging
Feeling a sense of belonging is another powerful aspect of nostalgia.
Here’s a short story. As part of my workshops with CEOs and CXOs, we delve into topics like Meaning at Work and Purpose. In these sessions, I take participants on an inner guided meditative journey to experience these concepts firsthand.
And you know what's fascinating? Most of the top leaders, who are now at the pinnacle of their careers, often find themselves going back to the early days of their work or university life. Those were the times they worked tirelessly, burning the midnight oil, with little work-life balance. Yet, oddly enough, they remember those moments as some of their happiest.
Why is that?
Well, it's because working hard and partying hard with a group of like-minded individuals created an unbreakable bond. One lady from Malaysia described how she and her team worked into the early hours of the morning, just so they could drive from KL to Genting nearby for a quick coffee and breakfast before heading back to work.
The secret sauce in those memories was the deep sense of belonging.
But as they progressed in their careers, that feeling of belonging started to change into a wistful longing, which eventually led to loneliness at the top. They missed those earlier times when they were part of something bigger than themselves.
And it's not just at work; this happens in various aspects of life. People who move away from their hometowns or countries or even evolve differently often experience a sense of isolation in their journey of growth.
This is where nostalgia becomes a powerful force. It has the remarkable ability to instil that sense of belonging back in us, reminding us that we are not alone.
This is confirmed by research. Fascinating research conducted by Xinyue Zhou and colleagues discovered that nostalgic reminiscence can provide individuals with a feeling of emotional warmth and support, effectively reducing feelings of social isolation.
Identity
Identity is the next benefit of nostalgia and this is a huge one.
Have you heard of Rupi Kaur? Her parents migrated to Canada from India when she was just a little girl. Now, she's a renowned poet with a massive Instagram following of 4.4 million and performs concerts around the world. In one of her poems titled "The advice I'd given my mother on her wedding day," she says the following -
Take your journals and paintings across the ocean when you leave. These will remind you who you are when you get lost amid new cities.
They will also remind your children you had an entire life before them.
We’ve all grappled with those big questions - "Who am I? What truly matters to me? What are my core values?"
Nostalgia is a remarkable gateway to those answers. By returning to the source, to where it all began, we get a powerful reminder of who we are at our core. Yes, we've grown and changed since those early days, but as famous nostalgia researcher Constantine Sedikides puts it, these nostalgic images allow us to weave together the threads of our past experiences, forming a coherent narrative of our lives - giving us a clear sense of our identity.
And here's the beauty of it - this sense of identity becomes our compass, guiding us through tough decisions in life - be it in our careers, relationships, or any other aspect. It helps us understand what truly aligns with our authentic selves and what will serve us best on our journey.
Purpose
Purpose is the least spoken about and arguably the most important benefit of nostalgia.
Let me share a heartwarming and inspirational story from one of my recent workshops titled "Meaning at Work" that touched me deeply.
In that workshop, there was a lady from China who had a profound realisation. It happened to be on the same day when university students all over China were sitting for their common entrance exams - a highly stressful and life-defining moment. This lady recounted her experience with this exam from many years ago. The stakes were incredibly high, with millions of students taking part, and it seemed like their entire fate hinged on the results - success could lead to a prosperous life, while failure could mean driving taxis.
During this nerve-wracking time, her father, who wasn't usually one to express emotions, approached her and said something that changed everything. He told her - “Dont worry. DO your best. I believe in you and I will still love you no matter what happens”. This simple gesture reassured her, and she performed exceptionally well.
She recalled another critical juncture when she was promoted at work. She was promoted ahead of time and had older colleagues reporting to her. This led to conflicts and negative energy. She went up to her boss and offered to resign. However, he told her - “I believe in you. I’ve got your back. Go do your best.” As a result, she flourished in that role.
Then came a moment when she wanted to pursue her entrepreneurial dreams. Despite financial challenges, her husband said to her - “I can support you for at least two year. I believe in you. Go ahead and give it all”
In these crucial moments, she realized the power of having someone in your corner, supporting you and believing in you. With this support she was able to thrive in life.
Now she wants to extend the same to others. She wants to have the back of people important to her, both at work and in life, so they could go out and flourish too. This is her purpose in life. At work. In everything.
As she shared this powerful realization in the workshop, the room fell silent. Many were moved to tears, and I found myself holding back my emotions. We witnessed a truly profound moment of self-discovery.
Through these troves of nostalgia, she connected the dots and found a clear sense of purpose in life. She discovered why she is here and what she is meant to do.
And to me, this is the ultimate superpower of nostalgia. It has the incredible ability to help us figure out who we are and what we’re meant to do in life.
In his research, Ryan Howell discovered that nostalgia can prompt us to reflect on meaningful experiences and relationships, leading to a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment.
So, the next time you find yourself reminiscing about your past, remember that these memories hold more than just sentimental value. They might hold the key to unlocking your true purpose in life, helping you find meaning and fulfilment in everything you do.
Once again here are the 4 powerful benefits of purpose.
- Safety in this ever changing dynamic world
- Belonging to something bigger than ourselves
- Identity - Who we are at the core
- Purpose - What we’re meant to do
Its worth pointing out though that too much nostalgia can be counterproductive. Researchers have found this can lead to Idealizing the Past so we’re Resistant to Change:
Escapism and Avoidance, Comparison and Discontentment.
By being aware of these potential pitfalls, we can approach nostalgia in a mindful and balanced way, deriving its benefits without getting stuck in it.
Action Steps
If this resonates with you, here are some action steps we could consider to regularly invoke nostalgia.
Experts have recommended many ways to do this. Here are my favourite three
- Journaling - Writing down experiences from the past so we can explore them deeply. Writing helps seeing the patterns, and also viewing the same event from different lenses and thereby extracting meaning from it.
- Talking nostalgic stories - this could be with your spouse, new friends or kids. My little daughter asks me to tell her family story at night time and when I start talking about my childhood, I often rediscover a forgotten memory and often something interesting about myself or my growth.
- Multisensory experiences - like movies and songs from the 80s and 90s or whatever stage that may be for you. Even food and smell. This transports you back to that experience.
Feel free to try any of the ones that speak to you and see what emerges.
- Best of luck.
- I hope you enjoyed this episode.
- The next episode will drop 2 weeks from now on August 15
- That’s independence day in India.
- We have a very special guest from India for this special day.
- Do join us for that.
- Till next time.
- Have a wonderful day ahead
- Bye bye
Intro
Hi everyone! Welcome back to "How to Live," a podcast that explores ways to live a good life. I'm your host, Sharad Lal. This is Episode 47.
Recently, I watched this movie "Air" - the story of how Nike created the Air Jordans.
Highly recommended movie.
Not only did it have a captivating story, talented actors, and gripping drama, but what I loved most was that warm, fuzzy feeling of being transported back to the 1980s.
From the nostalgic music to iconic buildings, unique haircuts to the classic cars, and let's not forget about those quirky fashion choices. This movie took me back to my childhood, the cherished years of the '80s and '90s when I grew up.
I felt a surge of nostalgia.
And you know what?
It was exactly what I needed on that tough day. It lifted my mood, filled me with joy, and warmed my heart. Needless to say, it helped me sleep well and wake up the next day feeling rejuvenated.
This experience made me reflect on the power of nostalgia. I started remembering how movies from the '80s and '90s, like "Back to the Future," "Ghostbusters," and "Top Gun," used to put me in a good mood for hours, and sometimes even days.
It got me wondering, is there something more to nostalgia than just that heartwarming feeling? So, I decided to dig deeper and research. And guess what I found out? Nostalgia is not just a sentimental journey; it's a powerful mental health tool that can help us find certainty and security in an ever-changing world.
But that's not all. I stumbled upon two other fascinating aspects of nostalgia that are often overlooked and rarely discussed - but are extremely helpful in life.
In today's episode, we're going to dive deep into the topic of nostalgia. We'll explore the research behind it, uncover what we can learn from it, and discover how we can grow through nostalgia. We'll also look at watchouts to ensure we use nostalgia in a healthy and balanced way.
Trust me, you won't want to miss this episode. So, grab your headphones if you haven’t already, sit back, and let’s explore nostalgia together.
Before getting into the episode
Thank you very much for supporting the podcast.
Folks in over 120 countries listen to our podcast and we’re in the top 5% in the world.
Do consider following us on your favourite podcast platform.
If you love the show - please do rate us.
Thank you in advance
Back to the episode
Goodbye Lenin
Picture this: it's 1989, East Germany. The Berlin Wall still stands tall, separating families and ideologies. Amidst this backdrop of political unrest and a changing world order, let’s meet Alex. He's a devoted son who loves his mother, Christiane but fate has a unique twist in store for them.
Christiane, an ardent supporter of the East German regime, falls into a coma just before the fall of the Berlin Wall. While she is unconscious, the world around her transforms rapidly.
The wall goes down, the country crumbles and a new era begins.
When she wakes up - her son Alex realising that all these changes will shock her- embarks on a daring mission.
He recreates the past in their home. Painstakingly constructs a nostalgic bubble of the old East Germany.
His mother awakens into her safe space. Sees things she loves - favourite brands, familiar faces and comforting routine - Feel secure and certain as she makes her way back to life.
Some of you might recognise this story from the critically acclaimed German movie Goodbye Lenin. Another highly recommended movie. It’s a great example of the power of nostalgia beyond just a feel good emotion.
I found Alex’s experience with nostalgia even more interesting. When the wall crumbled he started enjoying the pleasures of consumerism - cool products, clothes, music. Coming back home to the East German bubble was tedious. He hated it.
But with time, he started finding comfort in it. The simplicity, predictability and safety gave him a certain comfort in the ever changing world outside.
This wonderful movie is a great portrayal of the power of nostalgia.
The reason it touches a deep chord is because of how true it is on the benefits of nostalgia.
Research
Researchers have described nostalgia as that bittersweet longing for the past, those sentimental feelings for moments, places, or people from our earlier years.
But it's more than just daydreaming.
Research has shown that there are many real psychological benefits to nostalgia.
Here are my top 4.
Safety & Comfort
One of the most impactful benefits is the feeling of safety and comfort it brings.
For me, I often get nostalgic about the green grass in the garden of my childhood house.
During winter afternoons post lunch my family and I would sit there soaking up the warm sun. At the time I didn’t think much of it but most of my adult life I enjoy visiting that garden again. That place does not exist today but nostalgia allows me to go back to that warm fuzzy feeling of safety. I can still feel the intimacy, simplicity, and predictability. In today's fast-paced world, having that sanctuary to return to is like filling up my love tank and facing life again.
Research from Routledge in his book The Nostalgia Inventory points to the same. He found that by evoking memories of the past, nostalgia can provide a sense of stability, and coherence, leading to feelings of safety and security.
Belonging
Feeling a sense of belonging is another powerful aspect of nostalgia.
Here’s a short story. As part of my workshops with CEOs and CXOs, we delve into topics like Meaning at Work and Purpose. In these sessions, I take participants on an inner guided meditative journey to experience these concepts firsthand.
And you know what's fascinating? Most of the top leaders, who are now at the pinnacle of their careers, often find themselves going back to the early days of their work or university life. Those were the times they worked tirelessly, burning the midnight oil, with little work-life balance. Yet, oddly enough, they remember those moments as some of their happiest.
Why is that?
Well, it's because working hard and partying hard with a group of like-minded individuals created an unbreakable bond. One lady from Malaysia described how she and her team worked into the early hours of the morning, just so they could drive from KL to Genting nearby for a quick coffee and breakfast before heading back to work.
The secret sauce in those memories was the deep sense of belonging.
But as they progressed in their careers, that feeling of belonging started to change into a wistful longing, which eventually led to loneliness at the top. They missed those earlier times when they were part of something bigger than themselves.
And it's not just at work; this happens in various aspects of life. People who move away from their hometowns or countries or even evolve differently often experience a sense of isolation in their journey of growth.
This is where nostalgia becomes a powerful force. It has the remarkable ability to instil that sense of belonging back in us, reminding us that we are not alone.
This is confirmed by research. Fascinating research conducted by Xinyue Zhou and colleagues discovered that nostalgic reminiscence can provide individuals with a feeling of emotional warmth and support, effectively reducing feelings of social isolation.
Identity
Identity is the next benefit of nostalgia and this is a huge one.
Have you heard of Rupi Kaur? Her parents migrated to Canada from India when she was just a little girl. Now, she's a renowned poet with a massive Instagram following of 4.4 million and performs concerts around the world. In one of her poems titled "The advice I'd given my mother on her wedding day," she says the following -
Take your journals and paintings across the ocean when you leave. These will remind you who you are when you get lost amid new cities.
They will also remind your children you had an entire life before them.
We’ve all grappled with those big questions - "Who am I? What truly matters to me? What are my core values?"
Nostalgia is a remarkable gateway to those answers. By returning to the source, to where it all began, we get a powerful reminder of who we are at our core. Yes, we've grown and changed since those early days, but as famous nostalgia researcher Constantine Sedikides puts it, these nostalgic images allow us to weave together the threads of our past experiences, forming a coherent narrative of our lives - giving us a clear sense of our identity.
And here's the beauty of it - this sense of identity becomes our compass, guiding us through tough decisions in life - be it in our careers, relationships, or any other aspect. It helps us understand what truly aligns with our authentic selves and what will serve us best on our journey.
Purpose
Purpose is the least spoken about and arguably the most important benefit of nostalgia.
Let me share a heartwarming and inspirational story from one of my recent workshops titled "Meaning at Work" that touched me deeply.
In that workshop, there was a lady from China who had a profound realisation. It happened to be on the same day when university students all over China were sitting for their common entrance exams - a highly stressful and life-defining moment. This lady recounted her experience with this exam from many years ago. The stakes were incredibly high, with millions of students taking part, and it seemed like their entire fate hinged on the results - success could lead to a prosperous life, while failure could mean driving taxis.
During this nerve-wracking time, her father, who wasn't usually one to express emotions, approached her and said something that changed everything. He told her - “Dont worry. DO your best. I believe in you and I will still love you no matter what happens”. This simple gesture reassured her, and she performed exceptionally well.
She recalled another critical juncture when she was promoted at work. She was promoted ahead of time and had older colleagues reporting to her. This led to conflicts and negative energy. She went up to her boss and offered to resign. However, he told her - “I believe in you. I’ve got your back. Go do your best.” As a result, she flourished in that role.
Then came a moment when she wanted to pursue her entrepreneurial dreams. Despite financial challenges, her husband said to her - “I can support you for at least two year. I believe in you. Go ahead and give it all”
In these crucial moments, she realized the power of having someone in your corner, supporting you and believing in you. With this support she was able to thrive in life.
Now she wants to extend the same to others. She wants to have the back of people important to her, both at work and in life, so they could go out and flourish too. This is her purpose in life. At work. In everything.
As she shared this powerful realization in the workshop, the room fell silent. Many were moved to tears, and I found myself holding back my emotions. We witnessed a truly profound moment of self-discovery.
Through these troves of nostalgia, she connected the dots and found a clear sense of purpose in life. She discovered why she is here and what she is meant to do.
And to me, this is the ultimate superpower of nostalgia. It has the incredible ability to help us figure out who we are and what we’re meant to do in life.
In his research, Ryan Howell discovered that nostalgia can prompt us to reflect on meaningful experiences and relationships, leading to a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment.
So, the next time you find yourself reminiscing about your past, remember that these memories hold more than just sentimental value. They might hold the key to unlocking your true purpose in life, helping you find meaning and fulfilment in everything you do.
Once again here are the 4 powerful benefits of purpose.
- Safety in this ever changing dynamic world
- Belonging to something bigger than ourselves
- Identity - Who we are at the core
- Purpose - What we’re meant to do
Its worth pointing out though that too much nostalgia can be counterproductive. Researchers have found this can lead to Idealizing the Past so we’re Resistant to Change:
Escapism and Avoidance, Comparison and Discontentment.
By being aware of these potential pitfalls, we can approach nostalgia in a mindful and balanced way, deriving its benefits without getting stuck in it.
Action Steps
If this resonates with you, here are some action steps we could consider to regularly invoke nostalgia.
Experts have recommended many ways to do this. Here are my favourite three
- Journaling - Writing down experiences from the past so we can explore them deeply. Writing helps seeing the patterns, and also viewing the same event from different lenses and thereby extracting meaning from it.
- Talking nostalgic stories - this could be with your spouse, new friends or kids. My little daughter asks me to tell her family story at night time and when I start talking about my childhood, I often rediscover a forgotten memory and often something interesting about myself or my growth.
- Multisensory experiences - like movies and songs from the 80s and 90s or whatever stage that may be for you. Even food and smell. This transports you back to that experience.
Feel free to try any of the ones that speak to you and see what emerges.
- Best of luck.
- I hope you enjoyed this episode.
- The next episode will drop 2 weeks from now on August 15
- That’s independence day in India.
- We have a very special guest from India for this special day.
- Do join us for that.
- Till next time.
- Have a wonderful day ahead
- Bye bye