#083 Life Lessons 2024

[00:00:04] Hi everyone, welcome to Harder Live, a podcast that explores ways to live a good life.

[00:00:10] I'm your host Sharad Lal. This is episode 83.

[00:00:14] As 2024 draws to a close, welcome to a curated collection of wisdom from the first half of 2024.

[00:00:22] In this episode, we've got insights from remarkable individuals who are reimagining how we approach life and work.

[00:00:29] Derek Sivers challenges conventional thinking. Mark Nicholson explores purpose.

[00:00:36] Danny offers spiritual perspectives.

[00:00:39] Ash shares insights on creativity.

[00:00:41] Leanne, Karen and Arjun share entrepreneurial insights.

[00:00:45] We're also featuring conversations with Meta and Natalia,

[00:00:48] bringing unique global perspectives to our shared journey of growth.

[00:00:52] Think of this as a masterclass, condensed, meaningful and potentially transformative.

[00:00:58] Next week, we'll continue this exploration with even more inspiring conversations from the second half of 2024.

[00:01:05] To our incredible community spanning 140 countries,

[00:01:09] thank you very much for being part of this learning adventure.

[00:01:13] Now let's get into this mouth-watering episode.

[00:01:17] When I went bankrupt, I famously, I reached out to a friend of mine who's very successful,

[00:01:22] who was building a unicorn, and I begged him for an hour of his time.

[00:01:27] We met at Starbucks, and I just knew from the second that he sat down that he didn't want to be there,

[00:01:32] that he had a thousand other things to do,

[00:01:34] and to sit and listen to me whine about how unfortunate it is that I went bankrupt,

[00:01:39] and I don't know what to do with my life, and what does he suggest I do?

[00:01:42] But six months later, I had been through this whole journey,

[00:01:45] and I had figured out what I wanted to do.

[00:01:47] And I went back to him, and I said,

[00:01:48] Hey, this is what I want to do.

[00:01:50] And he was like,

[00:01:51] Okay, I have to introduce you to these people,

[00:01:53] and I have to support you in this way.

[00:01:55] And I learned the lesson that if you go to somebody with a problem,

[00:01:58] you are bringing them down.

[00:02:00] But if you go to them and say,

[00:02:01] This is what I want.

[00:02:02] You're like,

[00:02:03] It's the energy, it's excitement.

[00:02:05] And you never know,

[00:02:07] that person is going to think about you when they meet another person,

[00:02:11] and they're going to go,

[00:02:11] Oh, you know what?

[00:02:12] I met this guy, he's trying to do this thing.

[00:02:14] Let me connect you and see what happens.

[00:02:15] There were so many instances of that very thing happening.

[00:02:21] This is the thing I think about self-improvement and about working on yourself,

[00:02:24] is you should not put an expectation on every book you read and say,

[00:02:29] Okay, when I finish this book, or if I meditate for 30 days,

[00:02:32] or if I run every day, then I will be a great human being.

[00:02:36] You're not.

[00:02:37] And it doesn't end with one course, one session, one thing.

[00:02:42] It is a culmination of all of these things that you do.

[00:02:45] It doesn't happen in steps.

[00:02:48] It's like waves that move around,

[00:02:50] and you will go forward, and then you'll step back.

[00:02:53] And you can't be too critical of yourself when you fall back.

[00:02:55] You just have to keep moving, keep going.

[00:02:59] Many very successful people who have made a lot of money,

[00:03:03] and who are now stepping back from that traditional cash engine,

[00:03:08] and saying, Okay, how am I going to spend the next 40 years of my life?

[00:03:12] What do I do?

[00:03:13] How do I fill that time?

[00:03:14] And it doesn't have to be so big.

[00:03:16] It doesn't have to be on a scale of,

[00:03:18] Oh, wow, look, I built a multinational NGO.

[00:03:22] Your purpose can be super easy.

[00:03:24] It doesn't have to be complicated.

[00:03:26] It can simply be,

[00:03:27] All I'm going to do is try to make people a little happier.

[00:03:31] Your Uber driver,

[00:03:33] the person at the checkout counter,

[00:03:35] your bank, whoever those people are,

[00:03:37] have a nice interaction with them.

[00:03:40] People think as a leader,

[00:03:43] you have to be vulnerable to others.

[00:03:45] But actually,

[00:03:46] the biggest thing for you to be successful

[00:03:48] is you need to be first vulnerable to yourself,

[00:03:52] which is a lot of times way harder

[00:03:54] than to be vulnerable to other people.

[00:03:56] You need to sometimes confront your darkest side.

[00:04:01] You need to be able to see all your flaws

[00:04:03] as uncomfortable as it is

[00:04:05] and say,

[00:04:07] Okay, is this helping myself and my business

[00:04:10] to be able to move forward?

[00:04:14] Mastery is the best goal

[00:04:16] because the rich can't buy it.

[00:04:19] The impatient can't rush it.

[00:04:21] The privileged can't inherit it

[00:04:24] and nobody can steal it.

[00:04:25] You can only earn it through hard work.

[00:04:28] Mastery is the ultimate status.

[00:04:30] Can you talk a little bit about this idea?

[00:04:33] Sure.

[00:04:34] First, I'm going to take a tiny tangent

[00:04:36] and say,

[00:04:37] I love that quote so much

[00:04:39] that I almost forget it's mine.

[00:04:42] So, oh my gosh,

[00:04:44] mastery,

[00:04:45] deep happy versus shallow happy.

[00:04:48] Shallow happy is eating an ice cream.

[00:04:51] Deep happy is being proud of yourself

[00:04:54] for not eating the ice cream.

[00:04:58] Mastery is more and more rare

[00:05:01] in our day and age

[00:05:04] and our culture

[00:05:05] where anyone can have

[00:05:08] hits of shallow happy

[00:05:11] all the time.

[00:05:12] So, I think even

[00:05:13] 30 years ago,

[00:05:15] it was much more common

[00:05:16] to be

[00:05:19] sequestered away

[00:05:20] in your practice shed

[00:05:23] improving and improving

[00:05:24] and improving at something

[00:05:25] six hours a night

[00:05:26] without distraction.

[00:05:27] Getting great at playing an instrument

[00:05:29] or painting

[00:05:30] or

[00:05:31] you know,

[00:05:32] being a gymnast on the high bars

[00:05:33] or whatever it may be.

[00:05:34] Whereas now,

[00:05:35] that's becoming more and more rare.

[00:05:38] That makes it more

[00:05:39] worth doing.

[00:05:40] doing

[00:05:40] because you'll probably be

[00:05:42] more rewarded for it.

[00:05:45] Purpose of purpose

[00:05:47] is

[00:05:48] Purpose of purpose.

[00:05:49] I love that.

[00:05:50] It's a story.

[00:05:50] Thanks,

[00:05:51] I should remember that.

[00:05:54] It's a story

[00:05:55] that keeps us going.

[00:05:56] It's not true.

[00:05:58] I've never seen a purpose in nature.

[00:06:01] It's just in our heads.

[00:06:02] So, it's not true.

[00:06:05] But it's a story

[00:06:06] that we tell ourselves

[00:06:08] to keep going.

[00:06:09] to do what we need to do,

[00:06:11] be who we want to be

[00:06:12] or feel at peace.

[00:06:13] How do you decide

[00:06:14] what's worth doing?

[00:06:16] I had to put some thought into it

[00:06:17] and I realized

[00:06:18] that's how I decide.

[00:06:20] It's this intersection

[00:06:21] of

[00:06:22] what would make me happy

[00:06:24] but also

[00:06:25] is useful to others

[00:06:27] and also

[00:06:29] is a smart strategy.

[00:06:30] And if all three

[00:06:31] feel like the intersection

[00:06:32] then it really feels

[00:06:33] like it's worth doing.

[00:06:34] For me to really throw

[00:06:35] my life's energy

[00:06:37] into something

[00:06:38] it has to

[00:06:39] for me

[00:06:40] at least I have to feel

[00:06:40] that I'm doing it

[00:06:41] for other people as well

[00:06:43] as myself.

[00:06:44] And then it has to be

[00:06:46] somewhat smart.

[00:06:47] So,

[00:06:47] by smart I mean

[00:06:50] strategic.

[00:06:51] Like it might make

[00:06:52] me happy

[00:06:53] and be useful

[00:06:54] if I were to quit

[00:06:55] everything I'm doing

[00:06:56] right now

[00:06:56] and go work

[00:06:57] at a soup kitchen

[00:06:58] ladling soup

[00:06:59] for the homeless.

[00:07:00] But I think for me

[00:07:01] that would be

[00:07:03] not smart

[00:07:04] because

[00:07:06] I have a big audience

[00:07:07] online just because

[00:07:08] my life circumstances

[00:07:09] brought me here

[00:07:10] and I could do

[00:07:12] more good for the world

[00:07:13] by doing things

[00:07:14] that reach a bigger audience.

[00:07:16] And then maybe

[00:07:17] I could do something

[00:07:18] that could pay

[00:07:19] for thousands of people

[00:07:20] to feed the homeless

[00:07:21] instead of just me

[00:07:22] down there

[00:07:23] holding a ladle.

[00:07:24] That would feel like

[00:07:24] a dumb strategy

[00:07:25] for me.

[00:07:26] Whereas for somebody else

[00:07:27] that is a smart strategy.

[00:07:28] So that intersection

[00:07:29] of those things

[00:07:30] I don't call it purpose

[00:07:31] but I guess it has

[00:07:33] that same feeling

[00:07:34] inside.

[00:07:37] Energy is our

[00:07:38] most expensive

[00:07:39] currency

[00:07:40] then you start thinking

[00:07:41] how do I take care

[00:07:43] of that currency?

[00:07:44] For me

[00:07:44] it's like

[00:07:45] taking people

[00:07:46] from that outside world

[00:07:47] into their inside world

[00:07:49] and then

[00:07:49] when I'm looking at that

[00:07:50] I just observe

[00:07:52] where are the things

[00:07:53] that are draining you.

[00:07:54] If we look at nutrition

[00:07:55] energy drainers

[00:07:56] are processed foods

[00:07:58] relationships

[00:07:59] we've all had

[00:08:00] those vampires

[00:08:01] around us.

[00:08:01] We all know

[00:08:02] the person in the life

[00:08:03] whether it's at home

[00:08:04] whether it's in work

[00:08:05] or whether it's friendships

[00:08:06] that just like to

[00:08:07] take that energy away

[00:08:08] from you.

[00:08:09] And the truth is

[00:08:10] there's no matter

[00:08:11] how many green smoothies

[00:08:12] you eat

[00:08:12] or how many times

[00:08:13] you do

[00:08:14] your weights in the gym

[00:08:15] if you have those

[00:08:16] energy drainers

[00:08:17] in your life

[00:08:17] and you're spending

[00:08:18] a lot of time with them

[00:08:19] nothing else

[00:08:20] is going to work.

[00:08:21] I would just ask

[00:08:22] everyone

[00:08:23] every restless

[00:08:24] youngster out there

[00:08:24] think about

[00:08:25] why you're restless

[00:08:26] and I generally believe

[00:08:27] it's probably because

[00:08:29] there's something

[00:08:30] you're trying to attain

[00:08:31] there's a dream

[00:08:31] you have

[00:08:32] that you haven't got yet

[00:08:33] so see it as a positive

[00:08:34] see it as

[00:08:35] hey

[00:08:35] you're restless

[00:08:36] because your body

[00:08:37] or your spirit

[00:08:38] is telling you

[00:08:39] there's more for you

[00:08:39] to come

[00:08:40] and you haven't

[00:08:41] got there yet.

[00:08:43] I was angry

[00:08:44] so I showed my anger

[00:08:46] my team messed up

[00:08:47] you're all about

[00:08:48] authenticity

[00:08:48] yes

[00:08:49] I was authentic

[00:08:50] no

[00:08:52] this is not necessarily

[00:08:53] being authentic

[00:08:54] you can manage

[00:08:56] your emotions

[00:08:57] it's called

[00:08:58] emotional intelligence

[00:08:59] I have seen

[00:09:00] very often

[00:09:01] that speakers

[00:09:02] they will

[00:09:02] attempt

[00:09:03] to make themselves

[00:09:04] authentic

[00:09:05] and then show

[00:09:06] a picture

[00:09:07] of themselves

[00:09:07] camping

[00:09:09] in their gardens

[00:09:10] whatever it is

[00:09:12] does that make you

[00:09:13] authentic?

[00:09:13] no it does not

[00:09:14] it shows you have

[00:09:15] different roles

[00:09:16] in your life

[00:09:16] that you might

[00:09:18] be a parent

[00:09:18] you might

[00:09:19] have a nice family

[00:09:20] or you might not

[00:09:21] what does that picture say?

[00:09:22] you could have

[00:09:23] the biggest role

[00:09:24] the biggest fight

[00:09:25] with your entire

[00:09:26] family over breakfast

[00:09:28] and then show

[00:09:29] that picture

[00:09:29] that's not making

[00:09:30] you authentic

[00:09:33] everyone loves to say

[00:09:34] let's simplify

[00:09:35] I would say that

[00:09:36] don't try to

[00:09:37] simplify something

[00:09:38] which should not

[00:09:38] be there in the

[00:09:39] first place

[00:09:39] you want to be

[00:09:41] a great

[00:09:41] deleter

[00:09:42] so you have to

[00:09:43] learn how to

[00:09:44] delete things

[00:09:45] which are not

[00:09:45] necessary

[00:09:46] people think that

[00:09:47] entrepreneurs

[00:09:48] solve problems

[00:09:49] but the greatest

[00:09:50] entrepreneurs actually

[00:09:51] know how to

[00:09:52] avoid problems

[00:09:54] trauma isn't just

[00:09:56] about some big

[00:09:57] abusive relationship

[00:09:58] it's also about

[00:10:00] what's not

[00:10:01] given to us

[00:10:02] what's not

[00:10:03] modelled for us

[00:10:04] and also the

[00:10:05] concept of

[00:10:06] misattunement

[00:10:07] it's a really

[00:10:08] common story

[00:10:08] for people to say

[00:10:09] I had everything

[00:10:10] I need as a

[00:10:10] kid

[00:10:11] a nice house

[00:10:12] parents who

[00:10:13] worked

[00:10:13] favourite toy

[00:10:14] had the Nike

[00:10:15] shoes

[00:10:16] all that stuff

[00:10:17] I didn't have

[00:10:17] trauma

[00:10:17] but sometimes

[00:10:19] we could have

[00:10:20] all these sort

[00:10:20] of physical

[00:10:21] boxes ticked

[00:10:22] but maybe our

[00:10:24] parents didn't

[00:10:25] listen to us

[00:10:25] or maybe our

[00:10:27] parents didn't

[00:10:27] ask us

[00:10:28] what we thought

[00:10:29] or feel

[00:10:30] this also

[00:10:31] causes trauma

[00:10:32] so it's not

[00:10:33] just about

[00:10:34] awful things

[00:10:35] happening to us

[00:10:36] it's about

[00:10:36] the kind

[00:10:37] of dynamic

[00:10:38] relational

[00:10:39] reflections

[00:10:39] we were

[00:10:40] offered

[00:10:41] and whether

[00:10:42] our authentic

[00:10:43] process

[00:10:44] of evolution

[00:10:45] as a human

[00:10:47] and also as a

[00:10:48] relational creature

[00:10:49] was welcomed

[00:10:50] or not

[00:10:52] Why do

[00:10:53] givers

[00:10:53] finish on top?

[00:10:54] The first

[00:10:55] reason

[00:10:56] as we touched

[00:10:57] upon earlier

[00:10:57] is the long

[00:10:58] term impact

[00:10:59] of repetition

[00:11:00] when tough times

[00:11:01] hit like layoffs

[00:11:02] or economic

[00:11:03] downturns

[00:11:04] those who are

[00:11:05] known for

[00:11:05] stealing credits

[00:11:06] find it difficult

[00:11:07] to find new

[00:11:08] jobs

[00:11:08] in contrast

[00:11:09] givers are

[00:11:11] surrounded by

[00:11:11] a network

[00:11:12] of people

[00:11:12] who are more

[00:11:13] than willing

[00:11:13] to go the

[00:11:14] extra mile

[00:11:15] to help them

[00:11:15] there's also

[00:11:17] emotional support

[00:11:18] everyone roots

[00:11:19] for givers

[00:11:20] when they

[00:11:21] succeed

[00:11:21] it's a

[00:11:22] collective

[00:11:22] victory

[00:11:24] I'm very much

[00:11:25] aware of

[00:11:26] my emotions

[00:11:27] and I take

[00:11:28] that as a

[00:11:28] data for me

[00:11:29] how does that

[00:11:30] work?

[00:11:31] It's like

[00:11:31] why am I

[00:11:31] angry?

[00:11:32] Why is this

[00:11:33] so irritating

[00:11:34] to me

[00:11:35] when I

[00:11:35] see the

[00:11:36] same

[00:11:37] problem

[00:11:37] repeated

[00:11:38] in the

[00:11:38] company

[00:11:38] like why

[00:11:39] can't I

[00:11:39] just let

[00:11:39] it go?

[00:11:40] Or how

[00:11:41] come when

[00:11:41] I'm demoing

[00:11:42] a product

[00:11:43] or when

[00:11:43] I'm demoing

[00:11:44] a service

[00:11:44] to a customer

[00:11:45] why is that

[00:11:46] little thing

[00:11:46] irritating me?

[00:11:47] And I'm

[00:11:48] not going to

[00:11:48] go and

[00:11:49] lash out

[00:11:49] about this

[00:11:50] I take

[00:11:50] note that

[00:11:51] this is

[00:11:51] something

[00:11:52] irritating

[00:11:52] and it's

[00:11:53] worth looking

[00:11:53] into

[00:11:54] and I

[00:11:55] also

[00:11:56] can

[00:11:57] read the

[00:11:58] room very

[00:11:58] well

[00:11:58] maybe this

[00:12:00] is my

[00:12:00] sales

[00:12:00] background

[00:12:01] or whatnot

[00:12:02] but when

[00:12:03] a customer

[00:12:03] has a

[00:12:04] problem

[00:12:04] and they're

[00:12:05] saying

[00:12:05] something

[00:12:05] sometimes

[00:12:06] I know

[00:12:06] that's not

[00:12:06] what they

[00:12:07] mean

[00:12:07] right

[00:12:07] and that

[00:12:09] requires

[00:12:10] emotional

[00:12:10] intelligence

[00:12:12] I work

[00:12:13] with a lot

[00:12:13] of senior

[00:12:14] leaders

[00:12:14] with my

[00:12:15] coaching

[00:12:15] and there

[00:12:16] is a

[00:12:16] paradox

[00:12:17] that when

[00:12:18] you lose

[00:12:19] the attachment

[00:12:20] to the

[00:12:20] winning

[00:12:20] the game

[00:12:21] and you

[00:12:23] start to

[00:12:24] focus on

[00:12:24] yourself

[00:12:25] as a

[00:12:25] person

[00:12:26] and you

[00:12:26] start to

[00:12:27] explore

[00:12:27] the incredible

[00:12:28] being that

[00:12:30] you are

[00:12:30] in terms

[00:12:31] of the

[00:12:31] mind

[00:12:31] the body

[00:12:32] the energy

[00:12:33] the spirit

[00:12:33] you start

[00:12:35] to win

[00:12:35] the game

[00:12:36] so prana

[00:12:37] is the

[00:12:38] Sanskrit word

[00:12:39] for vital

[00:12:40] life force

[00:12:40] yama

[00:12:41] is the

[00:12:42] breath

[00:12:42] and so

[00:12:43] pranayama

[00:12:44] translates

[00:12:44] to the

[00:12:45] energy

[00:12:45] breath

[00:12:46] and what

[00:12:47] it accepts

[00:12:47] is that

[00:12:48] the function

[00:12:49] of the

[00:12:49] breath

[00:12:49] within

[00:12:50] the body

[00:12:50] not only

[00:12:51] oxygenates

[00:12:52] the body

[00:12:52] and also

[00:12:53] is one

[00:12:54] of the

[00:12:54] most

[00:12:54] critical

[00:12:55] detoxes

[00:12:56] of the

[00:12:56] body

[00:12:57] as well

[00:12:57] we know

[00:12:58] that

[00:12:58] breathing

[00:12:59] through

[00:12:59] the nose

[00:13:00] regulates

[00:13:01] and calms

[00:13:01] the system

[00:13:02] what I love

[00:13:03] about pranayama

[00:13:04] is the way

[00:13:05] that it's

[00:13:05] described

[00:13:05] and certainly

[00:13:06] the way

[00:13:06] that I

[00:13:06] teach it

[00:13:07] as well

[00:13:07] is there's

[00:13:08] a sacredness

[00:13:08] about it

[00:13:09] and there

[00:13:10] is a

[00:13:11] sacredness

[00:13:11] and a

[00:13:11] mystery

[00:13:12] around

[00:13:12] our

[00:13:12] breath

[00:13:13] it's

[00:13:13] the only

[00:13:14] function

[00:13:14] of the

[00:13:14] autonomic

[00:13:15] nervous

[00:13:15] system

[00:13:15] that we

[00:13:16] can

[00:13:16] actually

[00:13:16] control

[00:13:18] working

[00:13:18] with the

[00:13:19] breath

[00:13:19] is

[00:13:20] fundamental

[00:13:20] to

[00:13:21] shift

[00:13:22] our

[00:13:22] state

[00:13:22] of

[00:13:22] consciousness

[00:13:23] from

[00:13:23] our

[00:13:24] mundane

[00:13:24] linear

[00:13:25] go

[00:13:26] go

[00:13:26] go

[00:13:26] way

[00:13:27] of

[00:13:27] thinking

[00:13:27] into

[00:13:28] a

[00:13:28] softer

[00:13:29] state

[00:13:29] of

[00:13:29] consciousness

[00:13:30] where

[00:13:30] we're

[00:13:30] better

[00:13:30] able

[00:13:31] to

[00:13:57] as

[00:13:57] near

[00:13:57] real

[00:13:58] and

[00:13:58] more

[00:13:58] it

[00:13:59] will

[00:13:59] drop

[00:14:00] on

[00:14:00] the

[00:14:00] last

[00:14:00] day

[00:14:01] of

[00:14:01] the

[00:14:01] year

[00:14:01] 31st

[00:14:02] December

[00:14:02] join

[00:14:03] us

[00:14:04] for

[00:14:04] that

[00:14:04] till

[00:14:05] then

[00:14:05] have

[00:14:05] a

[00:14:05] wonderful

[00:14:06] day

[00:14:06] ahead

[00:14:07] bye

[00:14:07] bye